they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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