apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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