I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
