dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
