I have demons in me.
i came on her dog
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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