I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
