They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
