I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
