it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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