Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
