Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
