Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
