I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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