I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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