You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
