she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
