Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
