Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
