I think my vagina is haunted
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I think people are normalizing furries
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
