its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
