All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
