I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
