so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
