I wannas sexs uuuuu
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
