you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
