yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
