I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Sober January is a disaster.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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