My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
