Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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