omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
we made out on top of his cat.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
