you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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