i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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