My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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