eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
The dick lei will go down in squad history
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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