I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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