last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
