you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
