I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
