At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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