It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
