Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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