My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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