I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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