Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
