God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
