I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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