So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
