great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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