she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We left the knife in your bed.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
