I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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