you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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