you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize