I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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