I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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