No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
