you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize