Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
