My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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