By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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