i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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