Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
did i just pee glitter
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize